Why Judging Your Boss Or Colleagues Won't Help & What To Do Instead

The other morning, I was working at a local cafe after a meeting and decided to stop by a small grocery store to buy something that we had run out of at breakfast.

There was a homeless man outside, so as I passed him I said hello and asked him if he wanted something to eat.

He said yes, and asked if I would get him some tomatoes and cheese.

My first thought was, "Did you really just make a request of me to buy you something specific? Shouldn't you be grateful I even stopped?"

These thoughts practically stopped me in my tracks. After noticing them, I questioned them.

>> Where are these coming from?

>> What is it that I am frustrated with?

>> Has this man broken some sort of "rule" that I hold sacred?

My desire to contribute to this man became completely overshadowed by my "shoulds" and "judgments."

Part of my frustration also stemmed from his ease in being able to ask for what he truly wanted without any guilt.

Thirdly, he had broken the rule of, “When someone offers you something you say thank you and NEVER ask for something different.”
If I think about this situation in relation to my situation with my former boss, I can see how much I have grown.

First, I noticed my thoughts.

Second, I was able to question them.

Third, I was able to release the judgments quickly and easily.

Fourth, I was able to link my negative thoughts and feelings to an unfulfilled need or desire.

When I worked for my former boss I barely noticed my negative thought patterns, I definitely didn’t question them (I was right and she was wrong, afterall.), I held firmly to my judgments and opinions, and I had no idea what the hell I wasn’t getting but desperately wanted and needed, nor how to get it in a positive and constructive way.

Today, I still have these thoughts and judgments about other people and myself, but I have learned fabulous strategies for how to dissipate them quickly, so that I can get back to doing what I love to do and being a hell of a lot more happy doing it.
If you struggle with reining in your judgments, here are some ideas:

1) BE MINDFUL-- We may not always notice our thoughts, but we usually know our feelings. If you tune into any feelings of frustration or annoyance with another person’s behavior, you are most likely judging them. And once you notice them, you can go to step two.

2) GET CURIOUS--We all judge, so no need to get down on yourself for doing so. Once you notice your judgments (above), turn to curiosity instead. You can question yourself like I did, or you can get curious about the other person. For example, I could have said to myself, “I wonder what life is like for this man, never knowing where his next meal is coming from? I wonder what if he has an allergy and that is why he made a request? The easiest escape out of judgment is curiosity.

3) ARE YOU JEALOUS?--Sometimes we negatively judge others because we are secretly jealous of them. We see a beautiful person on the street and in our mind we rip them apart, in a backwards way of making us feel better about ourselves. Instead of getting competitive, you can use your envy as a catalyst for change.

If you are curious about more ways to work through your judgments of others, feel free to reach out.

© Written by: Theresa Destrebecq
The founder of Thrive Within

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